Understand
by Airflow
Summary: Chose between love and a duty you swore your life to? Never, ever could she do that.


A/N- I think this fic might be too dark for some people's happy fluffy minds, but it's grounding to right stuff with a bit of reality in it sometimes.

Disclaimer- I don't own Law and Order SVU or any of the characters… I'm just borrowing them. Neither do I own Britney Spears' song 'Everytime'.

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Understand**

She had been sitting in Central park almost all day contemplating her thoughts, as she mindlessly watched the various children playing around her. She loved him so much, but he always found a way to make things complicated for her, always. She wouldn't even be sitting here right now if it wasn't for him, if he didn't always give her so much grief to think about she could enjoy her day off with a nice book and a cup of coffee. But she had come here to clear her head; she couldn't sleep at all last night. She had been tossing and turning, stressed out by her intertwining emotions. And after hours of unnecessary fidgeting, if she managed to sleep for twenty minutes she could only dream of him.

_Notice me, take my hand _

_Why are we strangers when _

_Our love is strong _

Why carry on without me 

She loved him more than words can say, if only she knew he was thinking the same. She sighed deeply, and tilted her head toward the sky as she recalled the other day's events.

Olivia at the moment was confused; she was so close…they were so close. Why did he back away? A moment ago they were about half an inch apart, and Olivia was totally prepared to kiss him passionately and finally confess her true feelings. Why in the world when they were both finally on the same page and ready for each other would he back away… or were they.

_Every time I try to fly, I fall _

_Without my wings, I feel so small _

_I guess I need you, baby _

_And every time I see you in my dreams _

_I see your face, it's haunting me _

_I guess I need you, baby _

"El what's wrong?" said Olivia worried.

He threw his hands up in the air and opened his mouth to speak. Nothing came out. He wanted to tell Olivia the truth; he always had been able to years ago. But he couldn't now for some reason. I guess things change. "Please Elliot," Olivia said confused by his behavior; "tell me what's wrong," Olivia, pleaded taking a step closer to him.

_I make believe that you are here _

_It's the only way I see clear _

_What have I done? _

_You seem to move on easy _

"A lot of things Liv," Elliot said sadly laughing to himself, "And that's why I can't be here for you right now…" he said genteelly gazing into her gorgeous chestnut eyes.

"I know," Olivia said quietly, "And isn't that why us being together feels to right." She said putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Olivia," Elliot said clearly taking her hand off his shoulder and holding it in his, "Nothing has ever felt so right in my life… but we need to stop thinking of just you and me for a minute, and think about everyone else," He said holding on to her hand as tight as he possibly could, never wanting to let go.

_And every time I try to fly, I fall _

_Without my wings, I feel so small _

_I guess I need you, baby _

_And every time I see you in my dreams _

_I see your face, you're haunting me _

_I guess I need you, baby _

"What do you mean El?" Olivia asked taking one of her hands and turning his head so he would have to look straight into her eyes.

Elliot sighed releasing Olivia's hand and walking away for a moment to get ready for what he was bout to say, cause he knew exactly how it would sound. "Think about the captain Liv," he said turning around and rubbing his neck in frustration, "Do you really think he's going to let us be partners when he finds out about _us?_"

"No," said Olivia hesitantly, "But you know I'll care about you whether you're my partner or not." She said confidentially.

"Ok so," said Elliot putting his hands on his hips, usually a feminine argument posture, but it worked for now, "What about the victims?" he said quietly.

Bull's eye. He had got her if there was one thing Olivia cared about it was the victims that either winded up dead on the street with their skirts pulled down, or that came stumbling into their precinct crying there eyes out. The rape victims. "Elliot—" Olivia began but was cut off.

"Come on Olivia," Elliot's voice rising, "Chose!" His voice becoming aggressive and hurtful. She couldn't chose, and she never would be able to. Chose between love and a duty you swore your life to? Never, ever could she do that.

_I may have made it rain _

_Please forgive me _

_My weakness caused you pain _

_And this song's my sorry _

"I—" Olivia began but was cut off by a wave of tears pouring out of her eyes, "I can't… I'm sorry..." Olivia said choking on her own tears as her legs buckled underneath her. She sat there on her knees for a minute feeling so torn as she cried tears of pain.

"See," Elliot said softly, finally coming over and pulling her into a protective hug. "That's what there going to do to you when they find out," said Elliot pulling out of the hug but keeping hold of her shoulders, "I'm almost gone Liv, I have crossed the line to much," he said grimly, "But you… you really have a chance to help people, to make a difference," he stopped before finishing, "You already have mad the biggest difference in my life." He announced staring at her with the most loving pair of blue eyes you have ever seen.

_At night I pray _

_That soon your face will fade away _

"El," Olivia mumbled looking down at the ground, "Thank you…"

"I love you too much to do that to you, to take away everything you have worked for in life and chuck it out the window for me…" he softly said, then his voice becoming much weaker to quietly whisper, "I love you too much for that Liv, and I need you to understand that."

_And every time I try to fly, I fall _

_Without my wings, I feel so small _

_I guess I need you, baby _

_And every time I see you in my dreams _

_I see your face, you're haunting me _

_I guess I need you, baby_

And as she reminisced on that moment and silently sipped her coffee, now intently staring at the children. They all had a wonderful future ahead of them, but none of them will ever know the silent sacrifices made for them.

She tilted her face to the sky and quietly sighed, finally coming to the realization that there's no understanding love.

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A/N- Do you think its too fluffy cause I tried to make it a bit more realistic for the people who thought the first chapter of 'You and Me' was too fluffy. Well, please review as always, and also try to check out some of my other fics on my profile page! 


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